Finally, A “Casualty” We Can All Celebrate

More dumb journalists!  The unnamed author of this article explores a pressing issue: why are all the anti-war films to come out this year bombing (no pun intended)?

Whoever wrote the above-linked piece offers several wildly incompatible theories to explain the failure of these Important Films. 

1.  Consumer-based Analysis:  The war-coverage market is saturated.  Americans hear all about the war every day on television, for free, so they don’t want to pay to get the same thing.  Translation: Americans are cheap.  Inconvenient reality: Americans spend an embarrassing amount of money every day on movies, books, games, sports, and other forms of entertainment.  The availability of the same on cable TV, in libraries, and on the Internet don’t seem to affect that very much.

2.  Psychoanalytic Approach:  Americans don’t want to see movies about serious topics, and when it comes to war movies, they just want to see shit blow up.  They don’t care enough to see movies that oppose war or torture.  Translation:  Americans are brainless goons with no values.  Inconvenient Reality:  How do you explain the incredible success of hits like “Saving Private Ryan” or “Band of Brothers,” which are nothing if not serious and painful to watch?

3.  Practical Approach:  It’s just too soon for Americans to seriously think about the war in Iraq.  Too close to home.  Translation:  Americans are dumb, and need a couple of decades to catch up with the deep, subtle, world-changing messages being offered to them by their betters in Hollywood.  They just won’t be good little girls and boys and listen to Teacher until a little later, when the war is a distant memory and they can be properly indoctrinated.  Inconvenient Reality:  Recent political elections, protests and counter-protests, and a mind-boggling flood of public commentary about the Iraq War indicate that Americans are very much engaged in the issues surrounding the Iraq War.  Not to mention the fact that millions and millions of Americans are personally invested in the fates of relatives and other loved ones stationed in the Middle East.

I have a simpler theory: Most Americans do not enjoy patronizing, ponderous, self-important lectures on life-and-death issues by idiotic, zillionaire celebrities.  And hey, here’s an even better theory: THESE MOVIES SUCK.

The title of the article is the best part: “Hollywood is casualty of war as movie-goers shun Iraq films.”  Nice.  What an inadvertently honest expression of the pseudo-martyrdom of “dissident” celebrities: comparing themselves to the dead and wounded in war.  I’m sure Tom Cruise will suffer intensely when he can’t buy another mansion because “Lions for Lambs” flopped.  We’d better expand Arlington Cemetery to accommodate the Hollywood “casualties!”


~ by lewdandlascivious on November 9, 2007.

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