Jonathan Lee Riches: My Favorite Crazy Person EVER

Well, except for Lyle Zapato of “The TRUTH About Black Helicopters!”, who has his own special place in my heart forever and ever, and Emporer Norton, who truly set the standard.

You might or might not have heard that Mr. Riches has sued Michael Vick for (1) selling his pit bulls on ebay to buy missiles from Iran and (2) cashing in on the valuable Riches name by selling Jonathan Lee Riches merchandise without authorization.  My favorite line in the hand-written pleading: “Michael Vick has got to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes.”  Read the complaint here.  PLEASE.  It’s maybe the most wonderfulest thing I’ve ever seen.

Here is a small sampling of Mr. Riches’s other numerous lawsuits, along with their basic allegations:

Riches v. Def Con 2600.com, in which Mr. Riches alleges that his identity as an “underground hacker superhero” is being stolen by other hackers, and claims $664 trillion in damages (backed in gold and silver).

Riches v. Bush, which might be the creme-de-la-creme of Riches filings and the only typed one, joins 783 defendants.  Said defendants include Pope Benedict XVI, John Deere Tractors, Adolf Hitler’s National Socialist Party, Jay-Z, the Queen of England, the Gambino crime family, “Three Mile Island,” Tony Danza, Paris Hilton, the Islamic Republic of Iran, the University of Miami, the Salvation Army, the Magna Carta, “tsunami victims,” “Fruit of A-Loom,” Outback Steakhouse, Meals  on Wheels, John Grisham, Plato, and the Lincoln Memorial.   The rest of the list is just as outlandish: I just can’t  list them all.   Fabulous.

Riches v. Jewish Mossad, U.S. Central Intelligence Agency, and Larry King Live, wherein Mr. Riches alleges that the defendants “are in a vast conspiracy to hijack my torso, three toes, and my constitutional rights and ship them to a secret headquarters in Concord, NH.”

As you will notice, Jonathan Lee Riches claims that his name is copyrighted.  Who wouldn’t want a piece of that action?

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~ by lewdandlascivious on August 25, 2007.

7 Responses to “Jonathan Lee Riches: My Favorite Crazy Person EVER”

  1. Looks like a potential client for you, QoS! That would get your career off to a rocking start.

  2. I know this guy personally,he cries like a bitch every time he is arrested ,he puked his guts out and balled up in a fetal position,once during a telephone harrassment arrest in PA and when arrested in FL on the current charges he’s in for he spent the entire first hour in the hillsbourogh county jail on the toilet with diahrrea.You will find his ugly,bald,mugshot ,at http://www.hcso.tampa.fl.us,in the arrest inquiry section.

  3. Wow! He sounds like he’s a paranoid schizophrenic or something. You know him? That’s intense.

    Neil, Riches is only slightly saner than the opposing party in one of our cases right now. It’s a real hoot.

  4. “wherein Mr. Riches alleges that the defendants “are in a vast conspiracy to hijack my torso, three toes, and my constitutional rights and ship them to a secret headquarters in Concord, NH.””

    Okay, seriously, how is this any crazier than the stuff that comes out of leftists mouth on a daily basis about Bush and Rove?

    BTW I haven’t seen you over on my other blog and I think you would enjoy it.

    http://jjkaiser.blogspot.com

  5. Mr. Riches©, or the JRL, now claims to be deaf, blind, suffering from cancer, and fired from Wal-Mart.

    http://dreadnaught.wordpress.com/2007/08/28/jonathan-lee-riches%c2%a9-v-wal-mart-stores-inc/

    yojoe©

  6. Good point, TT. And the JKaiser blog is HILAR.

  7. Yojoe, thanks for the update. JRL is truly an inspiration to toeless, torsoless, blind, deaf, unemployed and incarcerated crazy people everywhere!

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