It’s Official: Al Gore is America’s Crazy Cat-Lady Aunt

Al Gore took his Victorian-lady-with-the-vapors act to Congress yesterday, begging–begging–legislators to save the dang world (personally, I’d settle for them saving the bulls*** for once, but that’s just me).  He deployed his usual litany of junk science, hyperbole, and wrongheaded analogies (e.g., the Earth as an infant with a fever), but he also did this:

Gore advised lawmakers to cut carbon dioxide and other warming gases 90 percent by 2050 to avoid a crisis. Doing that, he said, will require a ban on any new coal-burning power plants—a major source of industrial carbon dioxide—that lack state-of-the-art controls to capture the gases.

Ok.  I admit that I am mathematically challenged, but if we were to cut the emission of  “warming gases” by 90%–ninety frickin’ percent–wouldn’t that require a helluva lot more than just banning new coal-burning plants?  I mean, like, you know, wouldn’t that require, like, banning almost all fossil fuel burning period?  Sigh.  I guess only someone who invented the Internet could understand the byzantine workings of the global warming religion. . .er, excuse me, “science,” or how its doctrines. . .oh, excuse me, principles, might be effected without sending us all back to the Stone Age.

Al Gore reminds me of a character in a slapdash, goofball comedy movie.  You know, like a crazy aunt who insists on building a landing station in her backyard because aliens are coming to make her their Queen and save the Earth.  Normally, the crazy aunt is in the movie strictly for comic relief: her relatives and friends pat her on the head, vacuum up all the cat hair from her trailer so her asthma won’t kick up again, and patiently do the Nod-n-Smile.  Yes yes, Aunt Matilda.  We know.  Soon the Parkushians will be coming to crown you.  Yes, we’ll come over to see your coronation, sure, of course!  Buh-bye now!

Except this time, in this movie–wait, reality–wait, movie?–the Crazy Aunt character is being given massive amounts of money, shiny-eyed worship from the world’s biggest celebrities, and an audience with the most powerful legislature in the world.  What a ginormous crock of shite.

~ by lewdandlascivious on March 22, 2007.

6 Responses to “It’s Official: Al Gore is America’s Crazy Cat-Lady Aunt”

  1. What an odd man, a truly odd man.

    I really would pay to know what goes on inside his head.

  2. “Al Gore took his Victorian-lady-with-the-vapors act to Congress yesterday…”

    BTW must I remind you I love the way you write. So sarcastic. So wonderful. Lol.

  3. Thank you!!! 🙂

  4. I sure wish I had Al Gore’s kind of money. Then I could pollute all I wanted and pay a token amout to clear my consience.

  5. I also smiled a bit over your writing. The image I got was of Not-Very-Good-Transvestite Emily Brent from Little Britain. (“I’m a lady, note my white lace gloves and parasol.”)

  6. Correction: the character is Emily Howard.

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