My Top Five Crushes of the Eighties
Here are the guys I mooned over when I was a kiddo in the Days of Paradise, aka the Eighties:
5. Dirk Benedict, who played Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica and Face on the A-Team. Early indications of the cranky right-wing conservative I was destined to become: I always did love a man with a gun strapped to his thigh. Even if it is a fake laser gun.
3. John Taylor of Duran Duran (and later, Power Station). Two words: magically delish. I gazed lovingly at his photo on the cover of “Seven And The Ragged Tiger.” I devoured every Tiger Beat and Bop article I could find. I pretended that my favorite movie was “Goldfinger” just like John’s, clearly a sign that we were tooooootally meant to be together one day. Are we noticing a theme at this point on the list? Pretty boys with big hair. Hmm. Shades of the fag hag that I am today.
2. The indestructible Corey Haim. Those dimples! That grin! That button nose! What’s not to love? And I’m still a Corey fan, I don’t care who knows it. Buhscuse me, but “Lost Boys” is the best vampire movie ever made, hands down. That right there is enough to keep me rooting for Corey. Keep truckin’, Corey!
1. Forever and always Number One is the irreplaceable River Jude Phoenix. I joke about Numbers 5 through 2: I’m kidding when I ooh and aah over them (although I was not kidding in the 80′s, no sir). But I still truly love dear River, and grieve for him. I know I’m a silly woman. But what a beautiful, gifted, gentle soul he was. And the punim on this faygeleh? To die from. In all seriousness, I consider River Phoenix to be the most beautiful human being I have ever laid eyes on. And if anyone says anything bad about him I will snatch the weave out they head.